Lord Malachai, Pagan Barista

MeMoRIeS gone awry!!!

2010-10-12T11:11:00.000-07:00

Being the will of one Lord Malachai
--Wisconsin Prince of Darkness--
--Lord of All Wisconsin fairy Folk--
--Pagan Barista--
--Morbid tongue of the wolf--

In case I die. oR live!!! I should dsay, since one wll never kill that which has touched the frozen lips of death™
here is alist of my wishes. Posessions. Curses. and burial requirements.

1) my body shall be placed inside a frshly slain wolf, and left alone in the fields of Wisconsin.

2) 1000 candles, black. shall be held in the hands of local children
2b) if 1000 black candles can not be found, you may purchase qny color and paint them
2c) If black paint cannot be found. 1000 white candles in the hands of local black children will suffice.

3) you shall not spit on the grave of the fallen

4) No DaDs at the FuNeRaL!!!!!

5) I will be buried in november. No MATTER when I die.

6) my copy of You've Got Mail will go to the highest bidder. Place the money n my grave.

6) Tony (my boss) has to serve everyone Starbucks Perfect opatmeal and pumpkin sipce lattes.

&) Chrisninda, the Eatern Wisconsin Starbucks Reginoal Manager has to name a new drnk the Creamsicle Latte. It's madewith 3 bags of orange tea; half a up of heavy cream; and half a cup of latte.

8) the greving will require bagpipe and cello.

*) the following poem wil be read BY MY DADDDD, over the phone, to the masses gathered:

do not fret
do not wallow
they bodies waste
in harvests swallow

the cold wind blows
upon cheeks flocked
with blue color colder
the gardens never bloom
nevermore
they'll grow no older

the sun sets
the SON sets
I should have been
a better father

-The L:o:r:d of Orange Cream

Forlorn-i-fi-cation

2010-09-29T11:30:00.000-07:00

Dear dEnIzEns of the Space Between
(and no, i am not tlakign bAout the FUCKING DAVE MATTHEerWS SONG, eLIZA!

Tomorow AT work itS my turn to draw on the chalkboard. Tony saidf THAT wasn't a good idea, but our reginal manager chrisinda said everyone gets a turn. SO FUCK YOU, TON Y!
Stop trying to hold back the darkness!

I spent theree hours on my dad's IPAD, trying to desing something that rteally captured--no, that really haunted the viwer upon first glance. Chrsinda said just amke sure to advertise Starbucks new breakfast rolls, and that ic an draw anythign I want. REMEMBER SALLOW ONES...THESE ARE ROUGH. DRAFTS. I 'M SURE they wl look much better with chalk instead of fingers.

This onei is called Breakfast with the devil:

this is entitled Gaunt of toung and limb:

this one is based off a song i wrote, and its called: "Someone cget a hungry Frog, Cause I'm flyin' off this buildn'"

and finally, as a SAFETY design... because i fucking KNOW Tony, and if his KACKI FUCKING PANTS ARE ANY signal..., he is NOT open expressions of the soul..
So this ones called "dark meat inside"...

So come by the store tomorrow, and check out the danger!
-X0x0
(death and screaming, nt hugs ans k,isees)

Shadow Squandor

2010-09-20T13:59:00.000-07:00

Greetings dead gods, screamers of the night, and my friend Cathy

Todaty at work I found a crack in the bathroom...I told Tony it was probably the darkness, and he was like "yea most cracks have darkness in them."
I told hm to laugh all he wanted....we'll see who's laughing when the antichrist himSLEF steps out of this plaster and fucking KNIOFES YOU IN THE PENIS.

But when I reached inside the crack.... my fuckcing hand got STUCK between some pipes ior something..and I had to wait like 4 !!!!!hours for the paramedics to show up.
Tony told everyone I was in the bathroom with my hand stuck in my c rack.

ANNND he STiLL let the customers use the RESTROOOOM! BUT ITS ONLY ONE ROOM! ONE ROOM WITH ATOILET AND A MIRROR!

X: (
When OUr reginoal manager Chrisinda got there, she said the crack was probabbly a busted water pipe. And TONY SAID IT WAS BECAUSE I am LACTOSE INTOLERANT..AND I WOuLD HAVE TO PAY FOR IT.
FUCK YOU TONY. and i'll tlel you this. I was int here for 5.hours. and i am NOT the only lactose intolerant customer.

-Lord Malacahi
the crippled Fey

RIP Goth-A-Doodle

2010-09-17T15:13:00.001-07:00

Sad greetings from the womb of darkness (my dad;s old blackberry)
It seems that my familiar
a MIDNIGHT black Rooster I named Goth-A-Doodle
has died
while iw as painting him
in my garage

Me and the ghosts of this suburb held a funeral in my front yard
I think he would have wanted ti that way
but my fdad got mad----made me UNBURY him, and rebury him in the backyard
RP Goth-A-Doodle, the crooked crow of the mourning.

Here is an excerpt from the elogy:

Sad condolences, my feathered specter of despair
the crow born a rooster
Goth-a-doodle
buried there

{and then I pointed to the ground at this part}

There among the daffodilss
Wisonsin fields of pain
black clad specter
choked to death
on Behr brand black paint.

Google Curse

2009-11-18T09:35:00.000-08:00

WeLcoMe!

Masses of the Dark Host, fellow faerie kings and Wisconsin fiends.
it is I, Lord Malachai; Pagan witch of Odin,
and part time Starbucks barista.

I just logged on to find out that, APPARENTLY, for the last YEAR and a HALF my daily posts about Starbucks, life, and he who is Satan, have not been posting.

I did NOT KNWO THIS! I've been posting from my Dad's Blackberry, since I inadvertently Cast a WRETHCVED curse on his mac book pro, after trying to photoshop a custom avatar of myself, covered in crows.

WELl, it looks like I've literally been texting blog posts into thin fucking air. So for the RECORD, I still work at Starbucks, I live with my Dad, and I will now be posting from my own t-MOBILE SIDEKICK!!!!!!!!!!!

-The Scare K. Row of the night
-and day.
Lord MAlachai

Grey Skies of Wisconsin

2008-12-18T09:25:00.000-08:00

I was having a really rough day mixing people's drinks and then Tony came in and was like "what the hell is going on?"
and i said "nothing"
and then he said "are you wearign makeup?1"
and I saidd no!

and he was like it looks like eyeliner

and i said they are shadows of sadness
and someone said, yea it looks like you've been crying a lot.

So I tooka freak break to go in the bathroom and just "witch out" for a few minutes.

and when I came back out everyone was staring.

...the black tears of loriel doth fall unlightly.

Cackle Maw

2008-12-18T09:07:00.000-08:00

Today when I was worshipping the dark ones I dropped a whole plate of scones on the floor.

The whole store started laughing and clapping and i didn't know what else to do so I started SCREAMING AT THEM in my WITCH voice...but that voice is RAELLY hard to do and it makes my throat dry and I choked and then everyone LAUGHED EVEN HARDER!! :(

Tony told me to go take a a freak break, which at first I thought meant freak out but he said that's not how he meant it.

I told everyone they wouldn't be applauding when THE SHADOWS CAME TO FEAST but that made them start laughign all over again.

Tehn Tonymade me go int he back room so I used the creamer to pour a sigil of dark feasting on the floor, But I think I accidently poured the sigil of slipping because stupid AMY walked in and slipped and got REALLY hurt.

Tony said I can't tell ANYONE it was me or we'll be sued.

-The Slip Lord.

Glyph Cackle

2008-12-09T07:21:00.001-08:00

Today, Jeff brought in salt water taffy for everyone to share, and Carol, who is on weight watchers but STILL ate the only coconut flavor, called him the devil.

Really Carol? Jeff is the devil? JEFF?!

Not I? The pagan witch?

the one who spends his cigarrette breaks worshipping a fell beast of Odin?!

the one who curses customers by writing magical glyphs on the bottoms of seasonal venti cups?!

the one who clogged the toilet? accidentally?! And we had to close down the store for a full TWO hours?!

OBVIOUSLY CAROL, You have no IDEA who the devil is.

(No one knows, really. Some say he's a greek god, or jesus's brother. I dont' really know.)

Carol, if there's any DARK betrickery to be done, then rest assured, it is I that will be doing it. Tomorrrow, I shall bring free candy to work, then WE'LL SEE WHO IS THE FELL GOD OF DARKNESS.

-Lord of devils

EDIT: Carol called me an angel. My dark rage burns and musters like a forgotten pot of Christmas Blend coffee.

Haunt Whistle

2008-12-05T14:24:00.000-08:00

Welcome, BLACK CrEaTuRES of the night.

...to the internet.

Specifically, to my blog. the black catacomb of blogpspot:
PaGaN BaRiStA.

A lot of people don't realize that as a witch/barista/comic book artist and official lord of all Wisconsin fairy folk, I actually tend to prefer sleeping upside down, Hanging from my door at my Mom's house. I found the actual vampire harness online, though I would be careful googling that actual phrase, as I'm still not allowed to use the free internet at the library anymore, do to state law and bigotry. Lesson learned. Listen up fellow worshippers of the beast. This world isn't ready for the lords of shadow to walk freely, be careful who kows who youa re, and what you do.

A second lesson, given freely from my book of darkness: If you've been hanging upside down all ngiht,do NOT eat a cardboard bowl of perfect oatmeal with a pumpkinspice latte first thing in the morning. As your STUPID ass boss TONY will senf you home and tell you to wash your own apron.

I DON'T AHVE MONEY TO WASH MY OWN APRON TONY. i'M A NOT A MULTI MILLION DOLLAR COFFEE FRANCHISE I'M A WITCH!!!

but I have a million shadows. and a million darkn nghtmares, which will spew forth form my mom's house THIS evening and haunt you until you DIE.

-tHE Blood Lord.

PS when I wrote black creatures I wasn't rying to be racist.

NOT A GOTH!@

2008-12-02T11:07:00.000-08:00

My black heart is wreathed in sorrow.

Last night after my shift I was so hopped on on perfect oatmeal and cappucinos I didn't even bother going home.
I just drove around in the murder mobile (95 buick regal) looking for a perfect field of grass to lie in. just to enjoy and be alone, and think, and stare at the stars, and worship the dark ones.

I'm about five minutes into running and dancing naked under the moonlight of my earth mother when the cappucinos hit.

So here, DEAR MILWAUKEE CHANNEL 5 NEWS:

I didn't REALIZE I was just over the hill from the highway.
I didn't RUN into view of the cars on purpose
and NO i wasn't TRYING to make a STATEMENT against TRAFFIC.
Except for maybe, that I wish last night there had BEEN NONE.

I tell you this, as evidence against chanel 5's testimony, and SPECIFICALLY to point out against the Milwaukee Tribune's apprently FRONT page news. "Nude Goth Loses Control of Bowels on Highway"

I'm NOT a GOTH. I'm a WITCH. And I HAVE A COFFFE INTOLERANCE, YOU DISCRIMANTING BASTARDS!!

- The Dark Lord of Sorrow

Scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-01T13:33:00.000-08:00

Today was hard.

The day before I had spent my WHOLE lunch writing the word "Witch" across the front of mine apron.
Then I spent a lot of hard work and TWO 15 minute breaks drawing various magical glyphs acorss the top and the straps.

I didn't actually knwo any magical glyhps, so I just used the ones from the cover to The Lord of The Rings DVD I brought with me.

BUT TODAY!!! WHEN I STARTED MY SHIFT
I grabebd my apron and found out someone had marked out "WITCH" and written BITCH.

I told my boss,Tony, and he was all like "you STILL have to wear it"

sO ALLDAY PEOPLEKELPT CALLIGN me BITCH
and then some JERK from borders was all like "one ring to find them all, huh?"
and I was like SHUTUP
And then TONy found out and he made me scrub the bathrooms.

We had to stay til like 3:30 to put up fucking Christianmas decorations and I had already had a TERRIBLE day so finally at like midnight I told Tony I had to leave,
and he was like "why?"

and I said, "because, it's the witching hour"

and he fucking made me clean the bathrooms. AGAIN!

Tony, if I could bend the trees to my will, I would have them come down upon you like woodland heathens,
with branches ripping your face off as you scream.

But I would have to wait, until you transfered to another Starbucks, because ours doesn't have trees.

Knave Tumbler

2008-11-20T08:03:00.000-08:00

Apparently it's "against starbucks coroporate policy" to bring your sword to work with you.

But it was Saturday, and I wasn't about to leave The Bastard of Icefell just sitting out in the car.

Apparently my boss, Tony, doesn't think Starbucks is a "land of magical myth" Oh yea, tony?! What is the starbucks logo?! That's right its a fucking mermaid
So suck my dick!
Would that i could cleave the seahag in half....

In other news, I didn't want to give in, but the new Perfect Oatmeal is probably my favorite things in the world right now.

-The Emperor of Darkness

The Taste of Bitter Roots (poetry)

2008-11-19T08:25:00.000-08:00

----------------------
August Wings of Glass
----------------------

Will you hold this crippled child?
he's been poor for quite awhile

legs and skin soft and white
crying softly through the night

upon his seat of rusted cream
the king of darkness does doth dream

and as he sits and waits in thought
all below shall start to rot

EDIT: The line "upon his seat of rusted cream" is not, JfAlcon25, about my butt. it's about my throne.

EDIT: Apparently, JfAlcon25, you think it's funny to leave berating comments on my blog post. Well guess what? I'm not going to delete your commetns, and I'm not gogin to disabel commetning. It's poetry. If you don't LIKE it then go ahead and say so, no one cares. It's obvious your an idiot. And you don't GET poetry. And when I said THRONE I didn't mean a TOILET, you cockassed piece of shit.

EDIT: Due to the horrors of JfAlcon25 and his PHOTOSHOPPED "shit kingdom" picture, I'm disabling and removing all comments.

Sigh

2008-11-17T07:12:00.001-08:00

I had that dream again last night...

..the one about the wolf.

Updatual Greetings

2008-11-13T12:29:00.001-08:00

I wish there were a way to write my thoughts in blood. upon pages of stretched skin.

But then, I suppose then I would have to scan them.

And I don't own a scanner yet.

curse the lord and all his children.

A Pox Upon your Family

2008-11-13T12:26:00.000-08:00

Do not be afraid, dear children of the lamb.

this blog of dark will harm none who walk towards it in curiosity.
Here is a place of woundings, both spiritual and physical. This is a tower, dark with despair, a room in a basement, locked from the outside. I worship a thing bound by seven names and four chains.

A lot of people don't think working at Starbucks is Dark, or mysterious enough for a poet/comic book artist/entrepeaneur. Dark is the wrold we live in. It's not a shade. It's not one location or another. i can hate the world in a park or serving you a latte. so fuck you.

Today at work somone asked if I was gay. I was very upset.

-The Raven Lord.

Cry of The Goat Child

2008-10-29T08:18:00.000-07:00

Welcome weary friend, shadow traveller, hollow hearts.

Here you've stumbled upon the high towers of my castle.
My name is Lord Malachai, pagan whisperer.

and part time barista.

This is my blog.

I am a scholar, a worshipper, a seeker and a seer.
At night I pour over books and tarot, divining my fortunes.
A dark god whispers in mine ear, and I know of things ill begotten.

I also work at Starbucks.

(PS, Pumpkin Spice latte is back, people!)

Here is my thoughts, my soul, my poetry, laid bare. Careful where you walk, these halls are full of danger and despair.

-Lord Malachai

(Pumpkin God)